Ten years ago, I received a text message from my fat friend, “Yay! Today I have over 400 FB Likes.” Curiosity overwhelmed as I pondered how obesity could attract so many ‘flabby body’ likes. She sent me an e-mail, and I signed in to check it out … that is how I discovered FB.
Facebook is great to find old and new friends. It was designed for people on the run. You can pop onto a friend’s page and press LIKE without saying a word. If you don’t like what you see, ignore it. People who claim no time for FB are either pathological liars, fools, dinosaurs or fugitives. Most of my friends and family are dinosaurs—apart from my FB pals.
Over the past week I had a few online successes and failures. By sharing them, some pearls of wisdom might be gleaned at my expense.
1. I went to a friend’s FB page ‘Second-hand stuff to give away’ and listed a pool table. Within seconds there were two responses; ‘dips’ and ‘yes please’. I pressed LIKE for ‘yes please’. A cyber-war ensued when ‘Dippy’ claimed first preference. I explained to Dippy I thought ‘dips’ was text language for dip-sh*t. On FB, giving stuff away incurs risk. My kindly gesture became a nightmare. To cut a long story short, ‘Yes please’ won. Several messages ensued from desperate Dippy, which drove me batty, but remained ignored.
2. Recently, I set-up my blog. I popped in to check on it. What a shock! There was a message for me. It was from Jay Squires. That is equivalent to receiving a message from Jeremy Clarkson or Madonna on your page. Oh, wow! But then I had to figure out how to reply. I returned his curtesy by visiting his page to leave my comment: Hi, Jay. I popped into Google and ogled out Bakersfield. I saw your car in Ma Baker’s Street (named after my fav. old pop song). I’m coming to paint your chariot. Please get it ready–your handsome image inspired me, so I am going to airbrush an orangutan. You are a great author, one of the best indeed. See you soon. Pleasant dreams … Nicole xx. It was a lucky day for me when he replied: Luv it! Luv it! Luv it! An OLD orangutan, drooling, but dancing a jig!
3. Next, I went back to FB. It was there I saw my skinny friend from years ago. She still looks great, despite being rake-thin. If you don’t comment on her posts, she gets upset. Once she was known to call all her FB friends ‘carrots’. Well, I suppose it was better than ‘cabbages’. It occurred to me that she always puts photos up of food, food, food, but you never see her eat. Ah, then I spotted it—she was nibbling a lemon out of her cocktail. So I left a comment (NOTE: This is what NOT to do …) ‘Yay! After seeing all those pictures of food, at last we get to see you eat—and it’s a lemon!’ Well that put ants in her pants, now I’m not sure if she is friend or foe. I’ll spare you the details. This is why it is probably best not to comment on FB, and just press the LIKE button—or move on.
Are you a dinosaur? Or, are you a player? Dare to join FB. Since the 70s substance addictions abound. Now the latest craze for the aging disco generation is FB. So much so, that it is now considered an oldies’ site. Yeah, put that in your pipe and smoke it.
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